94. 10 things I like about Tinder – and some words of caution as well

Before I wrote this blog post, I asked my wife:

She laughed at me. She knows I’m a fan. Oh, and in case it isn’t clear from the text already, we have an open marriage.

Then she said that she hoped I’d also write about some of the downsides. They’re at the bottom.

First are ten things I like.

  1. No one is contacted by anyone they haven’t given at least a little “Hmm… could be!” swipe right.
  2. This is unlike many dating sites, where women are bombarded with crazy shit. Like “out of this world absurdity” shit.
  3. Tinder is easy to travel with. I have no idea about dating in Spain, but Tinder is in my pocket and works the same way there.
  4. It gives you options for presenting yourself, without requiring a lot. Some people just have one picture. Others have a ton of text and six different pictures. But there’s complete freedom in everything except name, age and gender.
  5. It’s often accused of being superficial, because it’s based on pictures. Seriously? Have you been in a bar? On the street? And no one says you have to have a picture. You can choose not to. Will it work well? Probably not, but neither will wearing a paper bag in a bar (ok, that might work, actually. Worth trying our). ;)
  6. It’s free. Not all dating sites are.
  7. It’s intuitive. Very easy to understand and to use.
  8. A lot of people are on it (at least in the places I’ve been to). For a dating app that’s pretty important.
  9. Only for meaningless sex? Also something it’s often accused of. I call “It depends” on that. I’ve had sex I regretted, sex that was boring, sex that turned out to be just that and nothing more, sex that meant something and sex that led to a lot more. Meaningless sex? Rarely.
  10. And never anything coming close to that “meaningless” label on Tinder. On the contrary, Tinder has allowed me to meet fantastic, kind, amazing women I otherwise never would have gotten to know. Some for an evening and a shared experience. Some for years and a deep connection.

So yeah, I’m a fan. Tinder had been a vehicle for many experiences I wouldn’t be without and for meeting people I feel blessed to have (or have had) in my life.

A. Tinder can be a crazy enabler for sex addiction.

B. Because it’s so easy to swipe, it is easier to let conversations “fade away” because of the form.

C. Illusionary positive mirroring is a thing. For other forms of online dating as well, though.

D. Because it’s mobile and can have notifications, it fuels addictive behaviour if not controlled.

E. It has an image/communication problem. Because it lands between “just for casual sex” and “definitely not for casual sex”, it causes friction between users.

F. All the real world problems with gender, stereotyping, etc. don’t go away on Tinder. Some of them just become more clear, due to the ease of amassing data. It’s easy to swipe right on 100 people over the course of a weekend. Approaching 100 strangers at bars is hard.

G. There are people who break the rules. Seeing someone on Tinder and then later finding them on facebook and writing to them there is not cool. Seeing your friends there and writing to them if there’s no match is also VERY hard to do in a good way. And since it’s linked to facebook and to shared friends, it’s not that hard to find people.

All in all, I’d recommend Tinder to anyone. But I also think that many people could use “Tinder training”. ;)

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Director at The College of Extraordinary Experiences, Coach at McKinsey & Founding Partner at The Global Institute For Thought Leadership. Author of 31 books.

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